There’s a quote by Zach Bryan that really resonates with me: “If I’m lucky enough, I will get through hard things and they will make me gentle.” It’s one of those truths that hits close to home, especially in horsemanship.
Every horseman knows that there are days with your horse when things just don’t go the way you plan. Maybe your horse is agitated, maybe you’re frustrated, and what felt like progress one day can seem like a distant memory the next. But here’s the thing—those hard days are the ones that shape you as a horseman. When you get through them, and I know you will, you find gentleness, patience, and understanding on the other side.
When it comes to working with horses, we sometimes think it’s all about control, strength, or getting them to bend to our will. But if you’ve ever worked with a horse—really worked with one—you know that force isn’t the answer. A soft, willing horse comes from a place of communication and accuracy, not from trying to muscle them into doing what you want. And those difficult days are the ones that remind you of that truth.
The tough moments with your horse are where you learn the most. You start to see that it’s not about pushing harder when things get rough; it’s about taking a step back and asking, “What am I missing here? What am I not communicating clearly?” Horses, by nature, are incredibly willing animals. They want to work with you, but they need to understand what you’re asking of them. That’s where accuracy comes in. When you get precise with your cues and approach, you allow your horse to respond in a way that feels natural to them, and that’s when you see them soften.
Being gentle doesn’t mean being weak or giving in. It’s about listening—to your horse, to yourself—and finding that balance between what’s being asked and what’s being understood. Every difficulty is an opportunity to develop a deeper partnership with your horse, to work on your own patience, and to let go of the idea that you need to fight through obstacles.
You see, horses don’t respond to force the way people often think they do. The more you push, the more resistance you’ll get. But if you show up with consistency, clarity, and a mindset focused on communication, that’s when they start to trust you. That’s when they become soft. And when that softness comes, you realize that all those hard things you went through made you a better horseman—not by making you tougher, but by making you more gentle.
So, if you’re out there in the arena, in the middle of a tough day with your horse, remember this: those hard things are shaping you both. They’re building trust, communication, and connection. And when you get through them, you’ll come out the other side with a softer horse and a gentler heart.
Ready to take the next step in your horsemanship journey? Our mini-course on The Five Key Components to Transforming Your Horsemanship will help you develop the accuracy and communication you need to build a soft, willing horse. Click here to learn more and start your transformation today!
-- KJS
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